New Thoughts

Thank you everybody for your sweet words of encouragement, love and empathy!!! I have taken it all in.


This morning I woke up and thought: somehow this doctor yesterday had been really vague in his description. He had used words like "pretty much the same", and "not really any change" but he had not give me hard numbers to compare, he hadn't said: 'look, this cyst was x centimeters here at the longest extension and it is still exactly the same here. And this one was y cm across then and this is what it measures now...'' He didn't say anything like that. No hard data. He showed me the 10 cm length on a ruler, and then added it "might" be even longer than that. And then kept explaining how hard it is to compare a sonogram to an MRI. Doesn't an MRI give dimensions? Aren't the dimensions of the sonogram very accurate? Either that thing IS 10 cm long now, or it isn't.

So I began to think that he may have looked at these two imaging results with his frame of reference and experience that cysts like that just don't shrink, and possibly dismissed some of the more subtle differences, might not have even looked for them.

I got up and called Fairview Hospital to get from them the longest dimensions of the cyst as they had measured it over a month ago, also to have them send the results to Beth Netter at the Center in Delmar. Unfortunately the radiology department is not staffed over the weekend, so I have to wait until Monday, BUT they assured me they will be able to give me those numbers over the phone. I will do the same with Albany Med. So, on Monday it seems I should be able to put some clear numbers next to each other and see what has really happened. And if there is just a small difference that will actually be enough! It will tell me that something HAS happened. That the body has responded, and that the growth is reversed.

Somehow that is still what I believe is happening.

These cysts have been growing slowly. Not like Brandon's tumor that grew explosively bigger by the week. Fast growth, fast reversal. Slow growth, slower turnaround. Either, cells replicate quickly, or they don't. Healing then happens in the same time proportion. Of course! How could it be otherwise?

This may be more than anything else an opportunity for me to trust my own perception, even against medical authority, and seemingly conclusive results.


I will keep you posted.
Love
Tomma