The Second Journey at the Intensive

And here is the surprising discovery in the second journey.

On the second day you do what w call the physical journey, which many of you know, it's the one where you go down a set of stairs and travel into your body to find the cellular memory that has manifested in a particular way in your life. Normally you find the emotion in some place that stands out and then that links you back to the memory itself.

Now, my emotion was very hard to identify. Almost as if it didn't quite wanted to reveal itself. After some probing it was a feeling as if I was wanting to push someone away. Someone like a man. It was odd, because it just didn't bring up a memory. None, nothing even close to it. We were about to go into what old vows or beliefs were attached to this when my partner mentioned, "you know this could also be from another lifetime." and no sooner had she spoken the words that a flood of emotion came rushing in and with it new images of a group of men trying to hold me down, wanting to rape me. I felt young, maybe not older than 10 years, and it felt like they had come back from a war... of course nothing in my life even remotely resembled a situation like this, but the feeling was SO real and SO vivid, the pain of what was about to happen so overwhelmingly present, I had no other explanation in the moment that indeed this must be from another lifetime.

Again, how blessed are we to have tools that can release the impact of such trauma, that I must have carried with me, for God knows how long. We did have a campfire dialog, and I was able to step into their bodies to understand what drove them. The despair I found in there was heartbreaking. The level of inner mutilation and loss of aliveness stunning. It was as if they were on the brink of starvation from this lack of aliveness and when they saw something in me that resembled that, an innocence and a freshness, it was as if they had to take it from me simply in order to survive.

The conclusions and survival mechanism I had brought with me are all pretty obvious and familiar to me... from the kind of men I feel safe with and have been in relationship with, to the way I dress and the way my body almost hides my female features... I had of course never dreamt they came from an experience like this.

After I forgave them, the script of this particular journey version invites a group of wise women to the campfire, and suddenly there you were all with me along with the women in my family. You sang a mysterious healing chant that filled my whole body and washed me clean... very beautiful and moving. Nobody had told you to do this, it just happened all by itself.

So, you see, you all helped even more than you thought.

Thank you my wonderful friends!!

My aunt did some drumming for me over the weekend, Annabel was here and performed a little miracle in the kitchen that had been neglected, Sophia cooked a wonderful dinner, and Jimmy picked up Anina in Hudson... I am so lucky!!!

Now I am going to take a salt detox bath and put a castor oil pack on my belly to pull out some more of those toxins...

much much love
Tomma