Daily Life...

Today I felt so much energy as I haven't in a long time. Jimmy warned me not to jump right back in and do what I always do, which in his mind was: working all day at my desk. But somehow that almost happened. Life just asks certain things you can't ignore.

Right now that is planing Anina's trip to Berlin and helping her decide when to go... similar to trying to grab a fish under water, you think you have something in your hand and it's gone again... she can't make up her mind... still, flights had to be searched for, travel dates compared, and thinking put into motion about when I would go to Hamburg and when Jimmy could join me over there... thrown into the midst is the tantalizing possibility to go to a Journey Intensive in Berlin with Brandon on the last weekend in April... much mental acrobatics... not my favorite activity at any time, right now it really feels like a chore.

So, a good amount of time at my desk.
God, that place is like a black hole that sucks my brain empty. One task blends into the next and the next and the next. By now the piles of mail have reached frightening proportions... I have been spoiled mostly sitting by the fireplace and resting and writing and reading. Is there a way to make a living like that? I've got to do something about my desk, it needs to turn into a place of creative serenity, and happy orderliness. But how?

Now back by the fire I am happy again.

Having watched the flames a lot during these past days and days I have been learning a lot about fire, about this process of transformation that produces heat and light. I am struck by the attention the fire demanded from me to keep burning well. All this activity of drying and thawing off and getting the logs ready to go into the fire was amazing... and then the various kinds of wood and how they behave... I am struck by a certain similarity in the way I have thought about what I, and maybe many of us, are striving for: to be a force of transformation, a light worker, to release the density and evolve into a higher vibration...

This is what I am seeing: sometimes it is very hard to get the fire going. The logs are too dense, too wet, or too young or too big... and the heat that is available not big enough to really get it going. It's all about heat production. Logs that lay crosswise produce less heat than the same logs laying next to each other. Proximity and parallelness.

Sometimes there are big logs just smoldering and the fire doesn't quite expand, instead you can see it diminishes. And sometimes it is just a little piece of bark thrown in that burns with a short little flame, just enough that it increases the heat over the current threshhold and everything starts igniting everywhere.

Can I be a piece of bark? Could my writing be a piece of bark? Could what I am experiencing be the spark that sets into flame another process somewhere else?

Once heat is expanding, it feeds itself... in other words: more heat produces more flames that produce more heat.

And many of us close together can make a bonfire (or a campfire) that can light up a place that used to be dark or cold... that is my belief.


Tomorrow is another big healing day:
First my meditation group, then on to Michael Schaeffer and in the afternoon my dear friend Susan, who walked through the fire of ovarian cancer is coming to do some somatic healing work with me.

Off to bed with me!
Sparks of love to you!!!
Tomma