Mad Monday

Oh, well... today turned out totally different than planed.

Sophia had a 9 o'clock appointment to get her 4 wisdom teeth pulled... which I knew, but had kind of forgotten during the last few days, or somehow I figured between Jimmy and me we could get her to Pittsfield and back again... thought my own appointment with Doris was at 11:00, but when I checked to be sure, oh dear!... it was at 10:00! Plans were swiftly adjusted for me to bring her and come back in time, and for Jimmy to go and get her home, but when I arrived at the office with Sophia they would not allow me to leave! Another security thing, they need to have someone there while the patient is "under". Of course we had already gotten lost on the way up there because she didn't exactly remember where this place was.

Jimmy had to call to let Doris know...

I had to wait...

Now, back home I have a wobbly patient, who sits in my office and watches TV, to take care of with pureed soups, fruit juices and painkillers... My focus is just really thrown off. How curious. And the wood that we finally got on Saturday night turns out to be a little green and doesn't burn well either... hmmm... all these glitches... all these hurdles... all these distractions...

And what did I come out of the Journey with yesterday? This is the part I didn't write down yet: "By loving all of life, I mirror the truth." (I'll write some more about the resolution of that journey some other time) I thought about that this morning at the oral surgeon. OK, all this went somehow "wrong", and now I have a chance to love this. Is that how it goes?

Jimmy's conclusions went into a different direction, into "what am I supposed to learn form this?". And he jumped in willingly to give me that perspective over the phone... But... That didn't match was I had seen yesterday. It was not about learning something to do something differently in the future, so it wouldn't happen again the next time. It was about loving all that is, the exact way it is. To look closely enough beyond the veil, beyond the separateness to see the "truth" which is always beautiful, always full of love. Not a new concept exactly, Byron Katie talks about nothing else but that. But a bit different when you discover it for yourself with your own inner imagery.

Now that I am writing about this, I feel a healthy calm come back into my body.

By the way, forgive me for writing so much,
I don't mean for anybody to experience my e-mails as some kind of work load and to have to read it all... I do remember very well what life is like on the "taking care of all family-, home-, work- and relationship- things track"... we are all sooo busy. It just really helps me to write it all down. It creates more clarity and awareness. I have become my own best case study...

So I conclude, for some unknown reason it will be better for me to have my session with Doris two weeks from now, and for some more known reason it was better for me to stay and bring Sophia back home after her surgery, yes that was pretty obvious, she was so out of it, so unable to say a word, pretty vulnerable and yes, very wobbly. Good for me as a Mom to be there.

At least I will see some of you tonight, after missing the bigger gathering yesterday, that feels good. I had not followed all the the many backs and forths and lost track where the whole planing had landed, that too must have been better for me. It felt right, as much as I missed seeing you all.

I am feeling pretty good, but I am not doing all that much... I have stopped my rice cleanse, after my digestion got a bit too sluggish... I don't eat anything sweet and almost no meats or animal fats (the exception was Peggy's wonderful turkey soup yesterday) but otherwise nothing spectacular...

...sometimes there is a little twinge in the belly, sometimes a little ache, most of the time I do feel something going on down there, and also sometimes I feel absolutely nothing. There is this roundish thing n the middle of the belly that moves around, most of the time it is pretty low down, but I can move it upward very easily under the belly button. Might that be one of them? I'd love to know.

So. Am I missing anything? Am I overlooking something? What does your gut tell you about were I am heading with this? Today it is two weeks ago I had the MRI. Should I still go to another doctor, Michael Schaeffer maybe? Mostly I get clear about these questions on my own, sometimes it feels good to ask.

Ohhhh, what a trip!!
I love you!!
Tomma

Later:

Well, more unexpected stuff: Sophia, who had merely been nauseous for that past couple of hours, has now thrown up and that will be a problem if she wants to continue taking pain killers... not sure how that develops and when and if I can come after all... May be I get there late... would really love to sit in the hot tub with you tonight...
been a tiring day...

Love
Tomma