The Key Journey

All right, it is time to fill in what might be the biggest key piece in my Journey so far.


I have been putting it off. I have been really lazy these past couple of days, vegging in front the of TV - man, that is so unlike me, and it being ok to be this nonproductive. Quite an unfamiliar daily bottom line to hold out on for this long.

Sophia's Birthday came and went, Friday came and went with a special treat of having not only Patrice come with a gourmet white bean soup, but also Lise and Janusz with a humongous salad, AND Sarah and Roger!! Janusz and Roger even helped carry in our new sofa. We saw more beautiful pictures form Antigua and I felt oh so connected to you all.

Saturday came and went with much time on that new sofa watching the better part of four(!) completely randomly nonconnected movies that I hadn't even picked myself for the most part. (Hmmm, nonconnected?)

Today I felt like accomplishing something again, and these days that translates mostly into writing.



One day before the surgery I hit rock bottom. I had done this beautiful integrative piece with my friend Lori, where you envision three high energy end results of the surgery. I was really uplifted by this when Marilyn came and made me aware that she had put the results of that famous CatScan blank side up on my bedside wagon. I hadn't even seen it!

When I finally looked at those measurement numbers for the cysts, none of them had changed A BIT. NOT AT ALL. Not even the solid one that I had see on the sonogram as so much smaller. It was like nothing, nothing, nothing had happened in these past weeks. And it simply floored me. I was so devastated, I just couldn't stop sobbing.

Right on target one hour before my last Journey was scheduled.

I will post the complete scrip on the blog, but it is a bit longer, so here I will give you the highlights from my conversation at the campfire.

I entered this conversation from a source experience of connectedness, from a remembering that whatever happens in my life, WHATEVER that may be, it can only come into existence through that connectedness and unfailing guidance. Much like any little piece of flesh in my body is connected to my heart, and to life itself through the myriad of blood vessels, so runs a web of light and guidance through every part of my life experience. If something happens, it IS connected. There is no such thing as a mistake.

At the campfire there was no younger me that needed to show up, instead my present self needed to talk to the cysts.

It just came pouring out: all this sadness and frustration over WHY had they not responded? Why had they led me to believe I could heal this when they weren’t responding? Why did it look like I was meant to make this experience part of a message to other people, and now this message was being withheld from me? Wasn’t I supposed to be able to serve the purpose of the journey by allowing other people to see the healing we can do with it?
Why, why did you let me do all this work, why did you give me all this time if you were not going to respond to it?
It’s not fair. I feel like a fool! How can I ever tell my clients that the Journey is working when it’s not working for myself? I feel like such a miserable fraud, can't you see that?

The answer from the cysts came in a very clear and sober voice:
"We are bringing nothing but liberation.
This experience is here to serve you. There were other things you needed to discover. You didn’t need to experience that the Journey was working, you already knew that. But there were other things beyond the Journey that were and are waiting for you. There is more mystery and unknown ahead of you after the surgery that you need to follow. If we had responded just a little bit, we know you would have stopped. And wouldn’t have been able to find what is waiting for you...
This experience was not at all about what you are bringing to the world, what the Journey can bring to the world, it’s solely and entirely about you. It is only about what you are discovering in the process."

Wow.

My global awareness mentor said, “This experience is also about becoming part of the energy that dissolves the separation between the two healing approaches. On both sides there is too much holding on to an either/or mentality and a proving the other wrong. You as someone who is very firmly rooted in the spiritual and alternative side of healing, now have a chance to enter into the medical side. Only in experiencing the healing that is offered on his side of the equation will you be able to become a bridge between the two worlds and a force that leaves the duality, polarity and separation behind. It is very important that this happens in the world right now."

More wow.
There wasn't really anything else to say after this.

I ended with thanking the cysts for the clarity with which they had spoken, for the gifts they have already brought me. You can't imagine the relief I felt from understanding what this was all about. I told the cysts I love them very much and I really, really meant it. And then I let them go in profound peace and humility.