A Day before Surgery

My Dearest friends and beloved family,


I would have written last night but it seems the end of the day is the hardest part to get through. I get so tired and the pain becomes worse somehow.


The most important decision I was facing yesterday was whether or not to go ahead in to surgery with Dr Morrissey or to wait for Dr Timmins. How to decide whose hands to surrender yourself to that are going to cut into your flesh?

I had been taken aback by a few little things in my conversation with Dr Morrissey, and really wasn't sure whether I would feel completely safe with him. This would have to be my very own decision, because there was no one else here to meet him when he came.

Just after Jimmy had arrived and we were talking through this whole question nurse Marilyn arrived and told me she had tried to give me the CatScan results last night, but found me asleep and Jimmy had gone home too, and promised she would come back later with them. That was such great news! I told her I actually had been disappointed that Dr Morrissey didn't seem to know the details of this Scan, and somehow I took the moment and explained to her that in fact I had some real doubts as to whether I wanted to go through the surgery with him... and these... were all the reasons why. And Marilyn simply listened. And when I was done she totally acknowledged me, confirming that yes: this is a very important decision, and one needs to feel really good about ones surgeon and one needs to listen to ones values and these are different for everybody.

Some people look for good communication and bedside manners, some look for the perfect surgeon hands, some look for other things. It is important to make this decision with ones values being met. Other than that she could assure me that all the doctors in this particular group: Timmis, Morrissey and McCalrath (or something like it) are all excellent surgeons. She would put any of her own family members without hesitation into their care, and she has worked at this hospital for (was it) 20 years? Ahhhhhh

That was soooo good to hear. All of it. I was so proud of myself to grasp the moment and speak up.

Then Jimmy took of for some errands and lunch.

Just a bit later, when my regular nurse came to have me sign the consent papers I was ready and prepared to say I really needed to think this through a little longer. She too listened and told me to do what I needed to do... they absolutely want to give me the space to make this decision and as long as I don't wait until Thursday morning when they are about to wheel me into the OP I am free to change my mind.

I can't tell you what a huge relief all of that was!

I had taken pain meds early after waking up, so I was feeling pretty good too.

So, I had already left a message for Dr Timmins asking him to call me, briefly describing my concerns.

By the time Jimmy got back a couple of hours later my pain meds had worn off, my body was tired, my temperature was at 101, and I had this kind of sobering realization that whatever was going on in my belly was still pretty serious, these strange crampy pains were just not getting better very quickly. Envisioning going home in this state with nothing but painkillers... and to wait in this starte for who knows 5, 6 or 7 days... I started to see how much of a burden on my body that might continue to be. And with that all of a sudden it was clear: I needed to go through with this surgery right now. Life had spoken and again life had spoken clearly.

More comfort was provided by Marilyn who came back appologizing for not having been able to get these results back, but who spoke to the resident who had accompanied Dr Morrissey on his rounds in the morning. She pointed out to her that when he makes a promise to honor my wish to save the rest of my female organs he would absolutely do that.

That was it. I set the whole machinery into motion and signed the papers.

Thursday it is.

Today I am put on liquid foods only, my bowls will be emptied.

Wow, gotta run now two possible processes are expected over the phone for me this morning!

More later on Rogers sweet visit with Photos from Antigua and Guava pulp...

Love
Tomma