Full Journey Transcript

Tomma’s notes from her Journey session about the cysts:
Which I’ll call “Conversations With Cysts”


First, the emotional layers are important.

The first one was a deep and painful failure.

2nd was profound sadness.

The third was an emptiness as in a void and in a disconnection. An absence of connection.

Next I entered a neutral spaciousness. It was empty but spacious. Not uncomfortable or painful any more...just neutral. And in that spaciousness I felt a sort of sense of freedom, a welcoming freedom. It was a like all of a sudden there was a veil of green color there, green...little strands or wisps of green, that’s what this freedom looked like.

Next layer was light, just light, nothing very dramatic, but within that, and a sense of guidance, a very strong, powerful guidance. An awareness that nothing can ever go wrong.

Finally it opened up into this vast space or awareness of connectedness, these veins of light were not only connecting everything and pulsing through everything but also they were the guidance as to how everything was connected in every moment evolving into the future.

This connectedness then spoke, first to the guidance and to the light and said that this connectedness behaves much like blood flowing through a body, there are places in a body where you hit a big vein and were it’s obvious that blood is flowing through there, and there’s a strong sense of purpose or direction, and there are other parts of the body where you are maybe in the tissue, where it’s not that obvious that blood is flowing, but it still IS. There are many parts of life just like the tissue in the body, that are still connected even though it’s much more subtle. You ARE always connected wherever you are. There is no experience or part of life in which you are not connected. The very fact that you are alive means you are connected, just like tissue is connected to blood.

To the welcoming freedom: Freedom is what you feel when you remember that you are connected. It means there is no mistake. Remembering that makes you feel this free.

To the emptiness, the neutral spaciousness: This is the state when you forget that you are connected. But it’s in the state of spaciousness that you can remember that you are connected.

The emptiness or the void is nothing but an illusion. In truth, there is no such place, thing or experience that is disconnected, it just feels that way. And: notice that the experience of emptiness or void always goes along with a certain amount of effort. And force. Because it takes effort or force to keep the connectedness out of your experience. When you can notice where you’ve placed your effort and let go of it, connectedness will automatically return.

To the sadness, they said: Poor thing, no wonder you were suffering.

To the failure, they said: There is no such thing. You are always guided.

When I went to the campfire, there was no younger me showing up. What really needed to show up were both of my cysts, because that's who my present self needed to talk to. And they showed up with a kind of phantom self holding each of these cysts in each arm, like babies. There was also my enlightment mentor and my global awareness mentor , a very big, somewhat transparent figure - who shows up for issues that go beyond my single person.

My present self started to speak.
It just came pouring out: all this enormous sadness and frustration over WHY had they not responded? Why had they led me to believe I could heal this when they weren’t responding? Why did it look like I was meant to make this experience part of a message to other people, and now this message was being withheld from me? Wasn’t I supposed to be able to serve the purpose of the journey by allowing other people to see the healing we can do with it?
"Why, why did you let me do all this work, why did you give me all this time if you were not going to respond to it?
It’s not fair. I feel like a fool! How can I ever tell my clients that the Journey is working when it’s not working for myself? You have made me feel like such a miserable fraud, can't you see that?"

The answer from the cysts came in a very clear and sober voice:
"We are bringing nothing but liberation.
This experience is here to serve you. There were other things you needed to discover. You didn’t need to experience that the Journey was working, you already knew that. But there were other things beyond the Journey that were and are waiting for you. There is more mystery and unknown ahead of you after the surgery that you need to follow. If we had responded just a little bit, we know you would have stopped. And wouldn’t have been able to find what is waiting for you...
This experience was not at all about what you are bringing to the world, what the Journey can bring to the world, it’s solely and entirely about you. It is only about what you are discovering in the process."

Wow. I heard that and I got it.

My enlightenment mentor was so cheerful he did a little dance and said: “There is a whole new universe waiting for you. You just wait and see.”

Then my global awareness mentor added: “This experience is also about becoming part of the energy that dissolves the separation between the two healing approaches. On both sides there is too much holding on to an either/or mentality and a proving the other wrong. You as someone who is very firmly rooted in the spiritual and alternative side of healing, now have a chance to enter into experiencing the medical side. Only in experiencing the healing that is offered on this side of the equation will you be able to become a bridge between the two worlds and a force that leaves the duality, polarity and separation behind. It is very important that this happens in the world right now."

More wow.
There wasn't really anything else to say after this.

I ended with thanking the cysts for the clarity with which they had spoken, for the gifts they have already brought me. You can't imagine the relief I felt from understanding what this was all about. I told the cysts I love them very much and I really, really meant it. And then I let them go in profound peace and humility.

At the end I just allowed myself to be flooded with forgiveness for myself. Thanked my mentors, and saw the cysts go into the fire.
And that’s it.