Lovelies,
Ohhh, it is much later than I had intended to write a little update for all of you... but this day just floated along into new and unplanned spaces... mostly I had a long, to be precise: 1:45 min talk with my sister... to catch up not only of my current experience, but also all of what has been going on in her life since we last spoke, and that is months ago (she lives in Chile)
Patrice called, then Sarah called, Jimmy called, my house keeper needed to hear something about the Journey, the fire tended, wood kept on rotation to dry... and in between there are these moments of stillness, when I just look within and listen to be present to what is there, to maybe glimpse what mysterious process is going on down there.
Today was the first day I ventured outside again, and had my short morning walk with Jacky, I even drove Anina to school. I really wanted to feel what my body felt like in those familiar activities. - Yea, a little different all right. In the farm store I stood in the supplement section and tried to get a read on various substances holding them out in front of me and waiting for my body to give a signal of attraction or withdrawl. None too successsful, but I bought some stuff anyways...
Daily life is making itself known a bit... have to pay some bills, forward some tax stuff, copy my insurance card ... and so on
Jimmy will be back tonight and very tired.
Annabel will be back to make dinner for us.
Today I would have been in surgery. Now, that is simply unthinkable!
I am feeling very much less fragile and something that could be a mixture of excitement, joy and anticipation is starting to take over. In speaking to my sister Theda earlier, I tried to pinpoint what this whole experience feels like right now and I found myself describing it as a loving gesture. As if I have been receiving a miraculously well though out gift that has been in the making for a very long time. And now I am receiving it.
I feel lucky.
More later...
much love as always...
Tomma
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Back Home - Wed. Jan 28th - 9:03 AM
Dearest sisters, goddesses, most wonderful friends in the world,
Yes, I am back home.
Right now, after stoking the fire, back in bed.
I am drawn to sitting and pausing, just feeling my body, just being quiet, resting, and letting the presence digest what is here.
Yesterday unfolded without too many bumps, the discharge took way longer than expected and sweet Carol not only witnessed my last official exchange with Dr Angell, in which he voiced his concerns about my decision, but also waited patiently for all the paperwork and procedurs to be done.
Odd experience to return back home after such a life changing interlude in the emergency world. The familiar surroundings somewhat sluggishly unresponsive to what I had been through and the change that was floating in my soul.
House was fairly good condition, but no fire burning, and Sophia in her bathrobe, and still - or rather - back again in bed after bringing Anna to school.
Relighting the fire was a major adventure, because the cold air had created a powerful downdraft that was blowing into the room and it took the two of us considerable effort and the endurance of MUCH smoke that billowed into the house before enough heat had been produced to reverse the trend... interesting.
Annabels visit was so sweet and comforting and quietly reflective, she embodies this long perspective into the past and my life here in Upstate New York. As she sat there, my mind could help but pour in little glimpses of memories of all we have lived through together, after all she was my very first, and for a long time my one friend up here... so much that those 17 years of participating in each others life have contained...
Sophia and Anina made dinner for me, and Nini especially was just in her most caring, helpful and sweetest self, asking if I needed this or that and telling me not to do this or that, she could really do that for me... Wow. I wonder if Annabel had a special talk with her, because they were both gone for a long while somewhere in the course of the afternoon.
Slept like a baby.
At some point I will kick into gear to begin defining what exactly this month of retreating looks like... Creating my mastermind group may turn out to be the first step... today I may just take it slow.
I love you all so very much!!
Tomma
Yes, I am back home.
Right now, after stoking the fire, back in bed.
I am drawn to sitting and pausing, just feeling my body, just being quiet, resting, and letting the presence digest what is here.
Yesterday unfolded without too many bumps, the discharge took way longer than expected and sweet Carol not only witnessed my last official exchange with Dr Angell, in which he voiced his concerns about my decision, but also waited patiently for all the paperwork and procedurs to be done.
Odd experience to return back home after such a life changing interlude in the emergency world. The familiar surroundings somewhat sluggishly unresponsive to what I had been through and the change that was floating in my soul.
House was fairly good condition, but no fire burning, and Sophia in her bathrobe, and still - or rather - back again in bed after bringing Anna to school.
Relighting the fire was a major adventure, because the cold air had created a powerful downdraft that was blowing into the room and it took the two of us considerable effort and the endurance of MUCH smoke that billowed into the house before enough heat had been produced to reverse the trend... interesting.
Annabels visit was so sweet and comforting and quietly reflective, she embodies this long perspective into the past and my life here in Upstate New York. As she sat there, my mind could help but pour in little glimpses of memories of all we have lived through together, after all she was my very first, and for a long time my one friend up here... so much that those 17 years of participating in each others life have contained...
Sophia and Anina made dinner for me, and Nini especially was just in her most caring, helpful and sweetest self, asking if I needed this or that and telling me not to do this or that, she could really do that for me... Wow. I wonder if Annabel had a special talk with her, because they were both gone for a long while somewhere in the course of the afternoon.
Slept like a baby.
At some point I will kick into gear to begin defining what exactly this month of retreating looks like... Creating my mastermind group may turn out to be the first step... today I may just take it slow.
I love you all so very much!!
Tomma
ME: The new Morning - 9:02 AM
Dearest, dearest, friends, Mami, Papi, Theada und Flemming,
So I have pondered and talked, and talked, and thought some more about this decision, and finally had a last key question for Dr Timmens when I came back this morning: If I go on a one month healing retreat, would it increase the chances of cancer being there, or the amount of spreading it can do? And his answer was a clear "no". That was the last confirmation I needed.
So, a healing retreat it is!!
I am leaving home today. Carol is wonderful enough to come and pick me up.
Annabel will come by to visit later today.
Jimmy will come back from Florida and cut the second part of his stay there and go with me to the Journey Intensive in NJ this weekend.
I will form a mastermind group who will accompany me on this healing journey.
My primary intention is not to prove that the Journey or natural healing can work, but to give myself the largest opening for the healing that my body needs right now and to discover what has brought these two masses into my body to begin with. Much has already been revealed to me in these last few days... most of all I want to give my body the chance to keep speaking to me. It has spoken son clearly now and I want to keep the cysts who have delivered this message there as my ongoing messengers. They will be the one who tell me if what has been out of balance and harmful or toxic in my life has been discovered.
And if after one month they have not responded I can still take them out.
The discharge order has not been signed by Dr Timmens which is why my departure is not happening right first thing. They need to get his confirmation.
Hope they get in touch with him soon
LOVE!!!
Tomma
So I have pondered and talked, and talked, and thought some more about this decision, and finally had a last key question for Dr Timmens when I came back this morning: If I go on a one month healing retreat, would it increase the chances of cancer being there, or the amount of spreading it can do? And his answer was a clear "no". That was the last confirmation I needed.
So, a healing retreat it is!!
I am leaving home today. Carol is wonderful enough to come and pick me up.
Annabel will come by to visit later today.
Jimmy will come back from Florida and cut the second part of his stay there and go with me to the Journey Intensive in NJ this weekend.
I will form a mastermind group who will accompany me on this healing journey.
My primary intention is not to prove that the Journey or natural healing can work, but to give myself the largest opening for the healing that my body needs right now and to discover what has brought these two masses into my body to begin with. Much has already been revealed to me in these last few days... most of all I want to give my body the chance to keep speaking to me. It has spoken son clearly now and I want to keep the cysts who have delivered this message there as my ongoing messengers. They will be the one who tell me if what has been out of balance and harmful or toxic in my life has been discovered.
And if after one month they have not responded I can still take them out.
The discharge order has not been signed by Dr Timmens which is why my departure is not happening right first thing. They need to get his confirmation.
Hope they get in touch with him soon
LOVE!!!
Tomma
Sarah - Tues Jan 27th, 7:02 AM
Dear dear Goddesses and especially Tomma,
I have been sitting on that traveling couch with you all, calling in the warmth of the south and the healing of the tropics.
Tomma I have been doing my kidney/ovarian breathing techniques that I learned in Hawaii and sending that healing your way as well.
You are such a fabulous healer and I trust in your power to manifest all that is perfect for you.
I was going to call you a couple of times yesterday and chose to give you love via other channels as you are in the midst of so many conversations and decisions.
I will call you soon and until then know that you are in my prayers and healing circle.
I am also relishing the circle of love that we all create and am exercising my ability to connect from a distance! We are truly blessed.
With SO much love,
Sarah
I have been sitting on that traveling couch with you all, calling in the warmth of the south and the healing of the tropics.
Tomma I have been doing my kidney/ovarian breathing techniques that I learned in Hawaii and sending that healing your way as well.
You are such a fabulous healer and I trust in your power to manifest all that is perfect for you.
I was going to call you a couple of times yesterday and chose to give you love via other channels as you are in the midst of so many conversations and decisions.
I will call you soon and until then know that you are in my prayers and healing circle.
I am also relishing the circle of love that we all create and am exercising my ability to connect from a distance! We are truly blessed.
With SO much love,
Sarah
Annabel - 10:52 PM
Dear Tomma,
Thank you so very much for including all of us in your process this way! We are blessed with being part of what you are going through and with the depth of your sharing.
Tomorrow, Tuesday, I am headed north. I would like to come wherever you are in the afternoon unless that doesn't work for you. Sounds like I may be visiting you at home! What an amazing stroke! After this day of wondering and waiting and being so psychically present in a hospital situation to think of seeing you in your home. Can I bring food? Can I bring anything else? I can stay a short time or a long time or not at all and wait until Wednesday or Thursday.
It is so lovely thinking of you in your "hotel" room and luxuriously staying the extra night and breathing with these decisions.
If you need to talk tonight during this decisionmaking process you can call this number 845-528-6453 at any time: really.
The alone time for you sounds very important tonight, though.
Much love to you,
Annabel
Thank you so very much for including all of us in your process this way! We are blessed with being part of what you are going through and with the depth of your sharing.
Tomorrow, Tuesday, I am headed north. I would like to come wherever you are in the afternoon unless that doesn't work for you. Sounds like I may be visiting you at home! What an amazing stroke! After this day of wondering and waiting and being so psychically present in a hospital situation to think of seeing you in your home. Can I bring food? Can I bring anything else? I can stay a short time or a long time or not at all and wait until Wednesday or Thursday.
It is so lovely thinking of you in your "hotel" room and luxuriously staying the extra night and breathing with these decisions.
If you need to talk tonight during this decisionmaking process you can call this number 845-528-6453 at any time: really.
The alone time for you sounds very important tonight, though.
Much love to you,
Annabel
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