Leaving an old Duality behind

Monday, June 22nd

One of my big experiences during this weekend was a vow process that we exchanged very much at the beginning, on Saturday. The plan was to remove any beliefs or limiting vows that keep us all from being successful in our business. I had not really thought much about that... we had just done some guided meditative pieces and some elicitation, but not a lot had come up for me... and as fate had planned it, I was paired up with an older woman, small, with short white hair and tight lips and a slight air of resignation hovering about her, and I remember thinking, oh well, this will probably not bring me a whole lot.

Normally, when you do a vow process you go back to a time earlier in your life when something happened that caused you to make a vow, take on a new belief or when the perception your reality changed ... in a way that was necessary at the time, because it offered a solution to the situation you were in... but now it has become unwholesome, unhealthy, or unnecessary for your life.

Now, to my surprise, Ann, my partner had also just done a shamanic workshop the weekend before... and when her time machine had landed, she said;" oh, I am back at the akashic records. I am in that very same library I went to last weekend, and there is my book, my record... We ended up shifting an irrational feeling of fear, a fear of exposing herself. A story unfolded that gave us glimpses of experiences when she had be prosecuted and hated by a lot of people. When her life had been in danger or even lost. Possibly all of this goes back to a lifetime when she had been executed for being a witch. When we were done and had cleared out the past, the image in her book had changed from one of a black witch to one of a lovely fairy. This was very unusual! I am mentioning her part mostly, because her process may have set the tone for something more unusual to happen for me too.

So when I started going down the stairs the first thing that was really different were the stairs. In a vow process you only have five steps, and as I got ready to step down the steps, they started expanding, started widening at the bottom and for a moment became something like a grand staircase, and then they kept on expanding until they had created a full circle, so that I was now standing on nothing but a little itty-bitty round spot at the top and steps were leading down all around me, so that there was no coming from or going toward, other than a going deeper and wider in all directions. Very unusual, something I had never seen before.

I had two mentors a male and a female... and our time shuttle was a human size version of these little cylinders that transport messages through little air tubes... where you put a little capsule in it and then: puff!! it gets shot into another part of the building. So, my time machine was a large cylinder, big enough for us to step into, and ready to shoot us to wherever we needed to go. And when we pressed the button to take us to a vow or a belief that was in the way for me building my business, I felt this capsule shoot us up into the sky and circling the earth and within moments we had zoomed around three times, with incredible speed obviously... faster than a rocket... and after three round trips it came straight down, voomm!! and landed in Egypt.

In Egypt, I arrived at an elevated, rectangular garden that was connected to the palace. It was built, balcony like, raised up from the ground, supported by high walls on three sides... and somewhere beyond the garden to the left was the temple, and the palace itself was over to the right.

Curiously this garden looked almost identical to a place I had seen during a journey with one of my clients in Germany, when she uncovered a time in Egypt where she had been a priestess at the temple. This was the same kind of garden... I though this was peculiar, almost as if I had landed in someone else's story. Didn't quite know what to do with that. My mentors had no information for me... they were just standing by my side on the gravel path, next to the lush flowers... I could bring the image of my client as a priestess and her soul mate into the picture... they could be there... or they could not be there... and it didn't really make a difference. Strange!

Then there was this slight pull into the palace and I wondered whether this journey had to do with the lifetime when I had been a member of the royal family and I had committed all these atrocious cruelties against the Jewish people. But none of that really showed up, it only hung there as a question, but didn't materialize as an image or an emotion. So, I kept wandering through the palace for a while and kept asking: ...what is this about? ... what is going on here? The first thing I finally heard was that it was about a duality of power... and I thought maybe it was about the duality of the religious or spiritual power on one side, and the power of the palace on the other, maybe there was a separation, or a conflict, or a competition of power... but no response on that... so we kept moving... and before long we wandered into the cellars of the castle, following a certain pull to go deeper. The castle was carried by many columns that were all black... The foundation of power? Again I wasn't sure what that meant... and before I could get an answer, we started sinking into the ground, and I let it happen. We sank deeper and deeper and finally arrived... in another time zone... an archaic or stone age time of human existence.

Here I felt myself to be male and I felt myself holding a big club and sensed that this was a moment of discovery, a discovery of a new, physical power through the use of the club. I could feel the surge and the excitement of that new power rushing through my body.... the exhilaration and the expansion of my life force and my territory. Here was the root of the duality: this club, this physical power, was being used against someone or something: against animals to be eaten, or against enemies to be killed or injured or threatened... and I could feel the imprint that this power came with. This power was made up of two parts: while something was gained for me, something was always lost for someone else.

I understood that it was time to remove this duality from my being. I sensed that it might have been this very duality that has kept me from using my power, because in this lifetime I don't want to use it against anything any longer, but up until now I hadn't been able to separate the power for something from the against something. I sensed I must have been brought here to remove the paradigm of this duality from my consciousness, or from my vibration, or my identity... hard to put into words. The image that represented the old energy was one of a large root growing inside my whole body. A root with two strands that separated at the end and reached down into my legs, one side white, one side black. Somehow I knew this old duality would be removed by pulling this root out of my body... and indeed, my two mentors took care of that, and as they did, I felt an an unexpected wash of emotion, of sadness, of pain, of old stories, of suffering, and suffering, and more suffering... so much suffering had been held in that duality of power being linked to gain and loss. Took a long time until this root was all out, almost as if it was extending as it was being pulled... stretching the ends of the root longer and longer, a stickyness, a sucking that pulled out all these old emotions with it... quite an experience... When it was done, and it was time to replace the old with something new. But what? There was no answer from my mentors, no words, no image... but after a while I became aware of the presence of a sound. A sound both audible and then also visible... that washed through everything... almost dissolving the boundary between me and everything on the outside. Melting away the separation, and what remained here and there was as thin as a membrane. This was the sound of oneness. Oneness in a sound... quite indescribable.

And that was the conclusion to the vow process.

The future integration was interesting, I could feel a spaciousness the next day.

A week into the future I knew I would be sitting in the middle of a Buddhist meditation retreat Jimmy and I had registered for, and I could feel experiencing the oneness in that environment, it felt almost as if I could slip into the experience of the teacher there, and the expansiveness of that state was quite exhilarating. The retreat appeared like a playground to experience this oneness in, in interactions with other people, in the experience of meditating, of doing yoga, or of eating.

Interestingly Anne skipped over the one month time line and went straight to asking me to step into the future six months from now... and that felt sooo far away... it was so different, it was almost as if my brain couldn't compute what it would be like, and instead just slipped back into what it had always been. Initially that was a bit confusing and then I understood it as a range of possibilities. Again, I kept asking: What IS going on in six months? ...close to Christmas, what IS life going to feel like? And it seemed the answer was: there is a very big range of possibility at that time, depending on my choice, depending on how I choose to use this oneness in my life. It could not have a big impact, it could not create a big difference, if I didn't chose to use it all that much... and life could slip back into something very similar as it has been in the past. But I could also use it a lot, and the endpoint of that was almost not visible... if that makes sense.

When Ann asked me in the second, one week integration : Did you integrate it? In that moment, that was a odd question, because it didn't feel like a ME was integrating anything, it felt like a ME was not there so much. A ME was falling away. It was not something that was added to a ME but something that I was blending into. At six months I couldn't even make that out any more.

Very curious to experience this unfolding. Much mystery ahead.