Back to Ooms

June 19th

Last Sunday Jimmy and I went back to Ooms for a walk.

Oh those wonderful summer meadows! Oh, the smells of summer in the air, of moist earth, lake water, and flowering plant life everywhere! The grasses were hip high now, strewn with daisies and clover and other blossoms I have no names for, the water had already bloomed with algae. There was a family standing at the bank, each of them holding fishing rods in their hands. Birds singing in the trees, meadow larks jubilating in the air, the wind wafting through the grasses. They are too tall for Jacky to run through, so she has to stay on the mown paths. The sky was clear, the clouds were luminous white and puffy, the temperature perfectly beautiful.

The last time I had been here with Jimmy, Constantin, Sophia and Anina, it had been so cold and windy it made my ears ache, and I hadn't been strong enough to walk around all of the lake. Now nothing of that was left. I walked past the pear tree the bird had perched on that had arrested me with it's singing and thought back to that timeless moment of slowness when I was gliding by under it's branches... now they were laden with leaves, sparkled by the sun.

It's good to feel strong again.

Yoga is a bit of a different matter. I haven't resumed a regular practice and a week ago I went back to Karen's Yoga class at Kripalu. This is a more vigorous class than the practice I do at home, but in the past that had been fine. This was the first time I had been back here in over six months, and, yes, my body feels different. My muscles just didn't want to work that hard. My brain kept saying "it's all right, you can take it slower", or "go ahead, you can sit this one out". But there is that odd pull of the group, the odd need to participate with what everybody else is doing, the strange power that holds you back from doing something different than everybody else. I made it through that class but my bones, and my flesh, and my muscles did not like it all that much. There may be a time in the future when that pace will be right for me again. For now it seems my body wants to move more slowly and less vigorously, and I will honor that. If I go back I will simply tell Karen that I am going sit a few exercises out in between, just so that I know I have an "ally" in the room and that ally will be the instructor herself in front of the room and that'll help.

Two days ago I worked in the garden most of the day. It started out being chilly, then it got warm, then it became colder again and I changed my clothes accordingly. I just puddled along all day with what I wanted to do. This does feel different! In a good way. There is a new luxury in the availability of the thought that I can let it go, that I don't have to meet the hypothetical goal I have set for myself. I can leave things half done, and time will embrace all of it lovingly. It doesn't matter if not all pots are planted; it doesn't matter if one flower bed never gets weeded this year. Time has become more of a friendly companion than an anxious competitor.